Moving on…. slowly.

The toughest part about losing someone or something you love isn’t saying goodbye. It is trying to find the courage to go on and learn how to live without them.

Last week at this time, I was at my grandfather’s wake back in Singapore trying to spend as much time as i can with him. Even if he was lying there in that dreadful box… I continued to chit chat with him like he was sitting there and listening to me.

Isn’t it such an irony that my first post about my life in Beijing after the hiatus (last post was in Mar this year) is about my life back in Singapore?

Before I went back for the Oct holidays, I was praying very hard that grandpa wait for me before saying goodbye. And I was really grateful for the 10 days I spent with him while he was still breathing. Unconscious… with tubes and all… but breathing. I am grateful that when we got to him after the doc called to say that grandpa has passed on, his body was still warm. I am grateful that I changed my air tickets and delayed my return to Beijing despite being unsure of how long more he will live. I am grateful that I was there for the entire duration of the wake and was around to send him off for the cremation before I left.

There’s so much I want to say, so much that I feel in my heart. When the mind wanders despite the busyness that I’ve been caught in from the time i came back to work on Monday, the pain that grips my heart hasn’t lessen a single bit. But I try to smile and continue with my life. Learning how to live knowing that grandpa has left us.

We did not lose him suddenly.. he’s been bedridden for a few years, had dementia since a long time ago and barely recognised us these couple of years. We thought we were prepared for the day knowing that it will come… but no, no one will ever be prepared for death. The thing about death is, no matter how prepared you are for it… it will always shock you.

One of the things I’ve learned after the passing of several people I love dearly (Uncle Tan, my 表舅 and now, grandpa) is that you will never get over losses. You absorb them. And as time passes by, the pain dulls and you move on. It’s been 8 years since Uncle Tan left and I still feel my tears well up whenever I think of him and how he is no longer here. And i know that 8 years later, it will be the same. The only difference is, my tears will well up for more loved ones I’ve lost.

People have said to me that grandpa was 98 years old, it should be a 喜丧 (happy funeral). He had a good and long life… Take heart and be glad that he is no longer suffering etc. I know everyone meant well but…. the pain is still real. The thing is… death, whether it is at 19, 25, 40, 70… or 98 wouldn’t make it any easier for anyone.

We can only learn to move on… slowly.

To 公公,

I love you.


The dark side of life

It’s one of those days when I wished I was back in Sg… Not because I’m having ABCD, but because of the things that are happening back home. *sigh*

The thing about living abroad is that you are so bloody far away from your family and friends and everything else that’s happening to them. And my heart aches knowing the pain that they are going through.

The past few days has been a constant flow of bad news….

A good friend is ill, yet another newborn has passed away, and another loved one’s grandma has passed on.

Wished I was there physically to support my friends in need. Even though I know my being there is not going to change things but still… :(

But it is also during such times when you realize that the capability to face adversity is more often than not, bigger than what we thought we have.

And then there’s the issue of the missing MH370 flight which has since last night been determined to have crashed with no survivors after 17 days. I’ve not been willing to discuss it amongst folks who were speculating and discussing what happened. There were folks who were reading everything (rumours and everything else) and just had to make some form of comments. Some made sense while some were just brainless meaningless chatter (IMHO).

I have been following the news closely despite my reluctance to talk about it… I’ve teared many times while reading the news & I broke down while I read the article about the folks who were on board… Faces that were given to the names of the passengers, real lives… real dreams… real people who… to be honest, could have been people we know…

Who’s to be blamed and what really happened? I don’t know. I still think there’s no point speculating. But what I know for sure is to let the ones who left rest in peace. And let the ones left behind move on…

I really wish I was feeling more positive but all these bad news can be quite daunting don’t you think?

Spring 2014

I’m on a roll…. oh yeah! \(^o^)/

You know, the thing most people remember about Beijing is the bad pollution…

But to be completely honest, I’ve been here for almost 2 years and I’ll really just say that it’s not all that bad… there are really good days! And then there are perfect days. Like last weekend…. 22nd March to be exact.

As the weather turned warmer into Spring, it’s time to get out and get moving a little. I arranged with a couple of colleagues to go exploring… even though it was to a place I’ve gone countless times but I always believe that there are always new sights and new experiences waiting for us to discover! *beams*

Had originally wanted to visit Prince Kung’s Mansion (never been there) but unfortunately, we headed out a little too late and realised that we will not have time to cover the place. *sad face*

But since the weather was soooo great, we decided to simply just hang around and have a little walkabout Houhai because it was just too disrespectful to the awesome weather if we hid indoors!!

So, here’s me… sharing a little bit of the beauty of Beijing! 

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*praying for more days like these so that i can go explore more!!!* 



#Bimbloves #hkescapade
14th – 17th March 2014


Easily the hardest I’ll laugh in 2014.

How did it all come about?

Received an email titled [FW: Tigerair – Confirmation of booking N43Z3S] on the 21st February with just a one-liner. “TWIN! Go HK!” *sweat* (Edit: Click here for Twin’s acknowledgement)

I mean, this was a subject that was brought up by the girls while I was back in Singapore earlier in Jan/Feb and my response was a “Let me check ticket prices first k?”.  

However, with these girls I’ve learnt to expect the unexpected, so…. from “I’ll check” to a “What the heck, I’m going to go” to “Why you cannot approved my leave (to my boss)?! *weeps*” to “I love my boss!!! (for approving my leave)” to #twineffects to malay dogs and so many other hilarity (most of it proof that my bimbs are truly bimbs!… and most importantly… birds of a feather really do flock together. :p).

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We also had #smilefromtheheart IMG_0610

vs #tiredfromtheheartIMG_0638

We had guest appearance of pink beanie, tonnes of selfies (what’s new right?), countless trips to H&M (>4 for Sumi), wrong exits (Central Exit A (my fault my fault), “this is not the Continental hotel that is next to our hotel!!!!” (also my fault my fault) … etc) and as always, loads of fun+laughter+food+snacks (lamb+chx, Lamb, Chx… “huh?! So expensive?! Let’s all eat now!” saga). 

Not forgetting the constant “Ewey!!!!….”

their advice to me!
their advice to me!

I want to grow old with you girls. #truestory. <3 

Life…. Post Op

I am seriously lagging on this blogging thing. Much as I want to be regular about it, I just don’t seem to be able to be disciplined enough to do it.

Then again, blogging is something that I enjoy… It should not be a discipline thing. Righttttt? :p

So, I digressed as always… I am not here to talk about my discipline, or rather… the lack of it. :p

Anyhow, for those of you who are concerned about my life… post op.

I’m well. Thanks for the love <3:)

For those who actually want to know what the **** happened, the background would be:

I discovered 5 tumours (or nodules to be exact) within my thyroid some time last year. Sizes of the growths vary but surgery is definitely required. (I am not even going to rant about how I went to the medical centre in Beijing and they told me not to worry – Ok, to be fair.. all I took was a little blood test and no ultrasound to have an in depth look. But darn! it was expensive and I’d rather go back home to get it checked out. So I went back in Oct and let’s just say the rest is history…)

After multiple checks and arrangement with the hospital, I was scheduled to go back earlier in January to undergo surgery to remove 2/3 of my thyroid. That leaves 1/3 of the thyroid (+ 2 smaller cystic nodules) for my body to function without the need to take supplementary pills daily. Even though the surgeon told me that in 5-10yrs, I will likely have to go through another op to remove the rest of the nodules. But heck, 5-10yrs without medication sounds like a good trade off. Or not!!!! What do you mean I have to go through the same misery 5-10yrs later?! (Someone told me docs should have just fixed a zip on the opening for easy access in future. Can i say “Aye!!”?)

Ok ok… that was a completely unnecessary chunk of information right? >_<

Life… Post Op.

It’s all good, wound is healing well. Scar is still too obvious for my liking… I cannot wear necklaces without looking like it’s been cut off in the centre and I’m just not interested in wearing chokers to cover it.

And…. *drum roll* I went for a little ski trip less than 14 days after i came back to Beijing. Bad move. Let’s just say, I should have considered that it was less than 40 days after op and even though the superficial wound has already closed… the internal wound was obviously not. *sigh*

*sings to Pink’s “Stupid Girls”*

But hey, this blog is about my life in Beijing so here’s some AWESOME ski photos!!!!

Early morning gather...

Early morning gather…

Gearing up!!!

Gearing up!!!



all can pose right?

all can pose right?

Look cool & say cheese!

Look cool & say cheese!



Now that I’ve documented the ski trip, let’s move on to the more boring but absolutely necessary update… W.O.R.K.

Work is ok and ABCDs are not surfacing on a regular basis (unlike in 2013) and oh, I’m actually nearing the end of my 2 yr contract…

AND the key point I’m trying to get to is that I plan to stay on in Beijing… for a while more.



Yes, i know… why did i say what i said right? Why stay on in Beijing when we know that slowly but surely, we are all being poisoned here in the smog bowl?

But well, there are good days! It’s not always bad…

seeeeeee! a VERY good day!

seeeeeee! a VERY good day!

Ultimately, I really do quite like it here… so far.

So, for those of you who have yet to come to Beijing and want to.. I think it’s high time you start planning. Accommodation is still free – I can take up to 2 adults at any point in time… kids will be charged separately. :p

Ciaoz… till my next “disciplined” moment…. xoxo

On the eve of lunar new year…

It’s been awhile since my last entry.. Reason? As usual, swamped by life.

Work back in china was in a glorious mess of rush in Dec and early Jan, I was worried about my impending operation and everything else that was trying to drown me.

Now that I’m back in SG, surgery was successful (abeit leaving me a super ugly scar right across my neck) and I’ve been cleared of cancer. *woots* Things are finally settling down.

It’s been really one hell of a roller coaster ride in January 2014… I’ve learnt some precious (and painful) lessons, I’ve gone through surgery and finally gotten the results of the biopsy. I’ve been thoroughly entertained by the bimbs who didn’t care that I was semi conscious and just out of the op theatre. Key point was #selfies #bimbloves no matter! They were there beside me and they HAD to take a group pic with me.. Oxygen tube still attached. *chuckles* The BFF continues to snub me (where is the love?!?!), Ernest still loves me and Chloe took a picture with me willingly.. Smiling.

And I’ve surprised my sis with a new watch.. Just because.

Saw a post earlier on and was thinking.. How true it is!

‘It’s new year eve, choose what you wanna take with you into the new year.’

So I thought.. I’ve gone and made some resolutions earlier as we came to the end of 2013 but they were just random things I think I want to achieve, or rather.. I thought I really should get my ass moving in 2014.

But for this… What do I really wanna take with me into the new year? It’s not what I want to achieve…

I want to leave the rubbish where they belong (in the past). Take only the good, and focus on what really matters.

Just because…

Happy lunar new year 2014 everyone! :)

2013 Pre-Christmas Rambles

When I walked into the office today, I took a proper look at the decorations around… and I was thinking, funny how the Chinese are adopting so many “western beliefs”.


I mean, there’s no issue there. It’s just interesting how many “festivals” has been adopted. I’ve always loved Christmas.. It’s my favorite holiday. Both for the whole reason of Christmas as well as the festivities + atmosphere around it.

Actually I said that last year as well.

In a blink of an eye, Christmas is round the corner again. While most people reflect upon their lives before the new year, I tend to be a little more pensive during Christmas.


Why pensive, you might ask?
Because of the reason behind Christmas.

I’ve always refrained from spelling Christmas as Xmas no matter how lazy I am when it comes to spelling. Be it text messages or text messages… Because Christmas is not Xmas.

Christ. Is. Not. X.

So I digress…

I love Christmas because it’s a time to be grateful, to love, to give, and hopefully… to receive. :p

And received I did… my first “virtual” card.

Was told, “Preview of your card: didn’t manage to post it out. pass to you when you are back, comes with a little gift.” *ewey weeps in gratitude*


I’m thankful for the friends I’ve made, the ones who remained, the lessons I’ve learnt, and the weight that I’ve lost. *hahaha*

Now that Christmas is round the corner again, I look back and think… What has changed since Christmas 2012?

Many things has changed. Some… I’m really grateful for. Some… I’m not too pleased about, and some… I’d rather not live through them.

What hasn’t changed?

…. My closest friends and family are still not around me during this season.

I miss them. -_-